Just a quick little update here... first: the painting is finished. Yay! If I never see another tray of paint or roller or paintbrush again I won't mind. However, if painting the mortar between the stones on the two walls in the living room is the only way I can get them to look not so dirty, I'll do it. Why would anyone put two full stone walls up inside a house??? Dust collector big time.

Today I mowed the front, back, and side yard. Did some cleaning up, put my little statues and stuff out. Still have to transplant my flowers, but not today. My goal is to make the outside look welcoming and pretty so that the inspector will be in a good mood when he comes inside.... then to have the inside all freshly painted and clean and glowing, so that if there's anything out of whack he'll be in too good of a mood to bother with it. Not that there will be anything out of whack, but you never know.

The rest of today and tomorrow I'm gonna be cleaning up the inside. Mopping floors, cleaning appliances and countertops, ceiling fans, washing windows.... picking up Bryan's tools. The little annoying things. I will, however, have a very clean house to move into. Y'all need to cross your fingers and toes that the inspection passes. Please???

School starts here on the 13th of August. At least the district where Alex will be going. Called today and found out that if we use Bryan's dad's house address Alex can attend the school he wants to. Which is fine. He, Alex, has already met a couple kids who go to that school and one kid online who goes to the other school and says it sucks and he shouldn't go there. Also, Bryan's cousins daughter will be going to the same school. Now, I just have to get him enrolled. Doing that tomorrow.

Not everything is candy and roses, but for the most part it's coming together. And I was going to let Bryan tell y'all, but he doesn't get online often anymore, so I'll share the news. His divorce is final! Yay. Now we just have to get Mr Wonderful to file for mine (since it's a little far for me to drive to do it) and all will be better. I'm thinking that won't be too long down the road - his little bed buddy is most likely going to be hounding him to divorce me. Good. I hope she does.

So, y'all have a good day...  I'll be back when I get the chance to let ya know how the move is going.

That describes me in a nutshell. I have been spending hours at the house every day, getting it ready. So far I've painted six rooms including two bathrooms. Only one bedroom, the hall, and the living room to go (and only 2 walls in the living room because 2 are stone). I have to patch a hole in the living room before I can paint and sand down a patched hole in the bedroom before I can paint it, but then it's done. At least that part of it.

Bryan has been working on the yard, clearing out overgrown weeds and wild things that were allowed to take over around the shed and along the fence. I edged the sidewalk and drive way. Him and Alex have been hauling the debris away. I think they made three trips to the dumpster where B works 3 nights a week, plus another three or more trips to the place he's taking the yard debris. There's still more to be done, but it's a huge improvement.

The girl who was renting the house, and despite having 5 kids she's definitely not a grown woman... oy vey, where to begin on her? She left owing Bryan 3 months rent; the gas was turned off with her owing over $800.00, then her boyfriend turned it back on illegally.. so when Bryan called the gas company to get it in his name, someone came out with a cop in tow and told me that when it's said and done, she'll owe over a grand to the gas company. That's just the monetary stuff... there's more.

The drain under the kitchen sink wasn't working right. Wait until  you see the picture of what she did to it! You will die! Seriously... it's unbelievable. However, you have to wait for it.

Then there's the trash. O.M.G.!! When Alex and I got done re-bagging what she left outside, we filled probably a dozen garbage bags. There were also at least 8 large outside kiddie toys that she had scattered around the backyard. When I started cleaning the inside of the house... again, oy vey! I filled at least 2 garbage bags with stuff just from the cupboards in the kitchen. Another 3 or 4 with stuff from the other rooms. And the carpets in the bedrooms! I had to borrow Bryan's friend Kim's Dyson vacuum cleaner to get them to look okay... the carpet is too worn to look great again. And everything in the house has a grayish/black film on it.. I don't know from what.

Anyway... it's looking so much better now. And despite a little naggling feeling I keep getting that it's all gonna be taken away from me, I don't mind all the hard work I'm putting into it because I know we'll get to enjoy it when it's done. At least for a couple years - Bryan keeps talking about selling it in a couple years and moving. Argh. Four moves in a year kinda turns you off from even the idea of the thought of moving. And I NEVER want to move into another house where I have to go in and clean up someone else's mess so I can be comfortable in it; I expect to paint when I move in someplace new, but I don't expect to have to shovel my way in.

Oh, yeah... and we had some pretty good news today. But I'll let Bryan write about it.

So, it was one year ago today that Bryan and I met face to face for the first time. Hard to believe it's been a year. I know neither one of us really imagined that one year later we'd actually be together, sharing a life, blah blah blah. Won't bore y'all with all the mushy stuff... but, I do love him more now than I thought I could or would then. And despite all the bullshit we've been through, we've been through it together and I wouldn't change any of it because it's brought us closer.

Okay, it occurs to me (to use one of Bryan's favorite expressions) that I have not written about my parents' visit, other than to say they were here and brought Alex. They arrived on a Tuesday and left the following Sunday morning, staying at a campground about 30 miles away. I saw them every day except Thursday, mostly because on that day we had stuff to do and they needed a break from visiting. They love Bryan and he loves them. One day we all went out to dinner... Dad drove. Bryan sat in the front seat with him, me and Alex and my mom sat in the backseat....seeing my dad sitting behind the wheel with Bryan on the opposite side of the seat ... wow. My dad looked small and fragile. Well, he's not big to begin with, but he's lost a tremendous amount of weight in the last 16  years, more in the last year, and Bryan is a big man - tall and broad shouldered, which.just made Dad look small.

My parents also got to see  our house...the one we're moving into and the one we're staying in right now. They actually saw the house when I was seeing it for the first time. This way they know where to come next year when they visit, and they'll also be able to see all the improvements we'll have made by then. Anyhow, we had a nice visit, some long talks, some stupid talks, and it was just nice.

Okay.. Saturday we made the trip to Detroit and back within 24 hours. We left St Louis at around 2:30 a.m. CST, got to Stupid's apartment at around noon EST. Some of Alex's friends were already there, waiting for him. One friend's dad was with them because I sold my old car to him and we had to exchange the title and money. About five minutes after we got there, Stupid came out. Boy, does he look bad! He wanted to argue with me about whether there was a spare tire in the trunk of the car (I was right, there was), so I just told him to shut up. Except to answer a couple questions I had to ask, conversation with him was non-existent. However, he did go talk to Bryan while I was visiting with Alex's friends and the friends' dad. I guess Stupid felt the need to explain his reasons for kicking Alex out. Not that it matters to anyone, we all know the real reasons. His bed buddy was there, too, sitting out on the little patio watching us... wow, is she ugly! And no, that isn't me being bitchy or anything.. she is really ugly. Alex had told me, but until I saw her in person, I was reserving opinion. Butt ugly! However, they make a good couple.

We went to a park so Alex and his friends could spend some time together. Unfortunately, his two best friends had to work that afternoon so the visit wasn't as long as they would have liked. One friend was at work already, so before we left town we went to where he works so they could see each other. Then came the long ride back.

OMG! Because I'm the shortest, I got the pleasure of sitting in the back except when I drove (which wasn't often). I was cramped! Literally. Had we been in an accident and rolled over, I wouldn't have moved. It wasn't so bad on the ride to Detroit because at least then I could stretch my legs out...however, on the ride back to St Louis, there was a cat carrier back there with me and .. yeah, not real comfortable. Ford Ranger with the two little people seats in the back.. check one out sometime and you'll see what I mean.

We were almost to Effingham, IL when we spotted flashing lights up ahead. Was around midnight or so, little traffic except for big rigs. We get up to the lights and see that there are several on the opposite side, one on the overpass, one on our side...  it was bad! A semi-truck had smashed into a bridge support in the median of I-70. From what it looked like, it had been going east, but was more on the west side. The cab was in pieces in front of the support, the trailer was smashed into the support and had broken it. There was smoke spewing from the back of the trailer.

Okay.. now a quick update. Inspection date for the house is August 3rd. I wish it was sooner, but this way we can get it all done and looking pretty. And it gives me time to finish there and pack up here, so we can move in that weekend. Since the inspection is set for the morning, might even be able to move in that night. The plan is to get as much over there before we move in as possible. I've already begun. And I'll start painting this week, so I can have everything there except for the furniture. Yee Haw!

Y'all have a good day.

First, my apologies in advance. This is yet another venting session. This seems to be the only place I can get validation for the way I feel about what's going on. And yes, I realize you all are only hearing my side of it all, but it's still nice to know that someone is hearing it. Okay... in all fairness, my best friend has been getting an earful lately and she's totally understanding of it, especially since she's been dealing with similar situations. But still, when you're feeling alone, it's nice to know you aren't. So... thank you all for listening, for caring, for your support.

I have started to pack. Didn't I just do this? Seems like I just packed up all our things, moved them, unpacked them, and cleaned a house from top to bottom, side to side. Didn't I? Am I delusional? Talk about a major case of deja vu!

I have started to pack. Alex and I have gone over to the other house and cleaned up the waste in the yard, it just needs to be gotten rid of. I'd planned on going over there this evening to clean the inside, but circumstances are beyond my control and it isn't happening. Seems circumstances have been beyond my control quite a bit lately where living arrangements are concerned. It's making me into a bitter, spiteful woman and I thought I left that side of me behind when I left Mr. Wonderful. I don't like me when I get like this.

I think what hurts and pisses me off the most is that everyone seems to be seeing only the Bitch's side to all of this. As far as Bryan's family goes... well, cousin Joe seems to understand at least a little of my side. The thing is, they all know what she's like, they roll their eyes when they talk about her. Yet they all seem eager and willing to enable her to continue the way she is. Let's not make waves. What the Bitch wants, she gets because ... why? They all know she can't take care of herself, let alone a house, yet let's just go ahead and let her be responsible for it. She wants to prove she can take care of the bills...okay, let's just let her do it. The house goes to hell?? Oh well, at least we all have been proven correct in our assessment of her.

What I want to know is: how can you prove you can take care of yourself on  your own when you live in a house that's paid for? When you don't pay rent or a mortgage? When everything in it is was bought by Daddy and you didn't have to buy any of the usual household items? When you don't have to rush out and get a real full time job because Daddy left you enough money to live on for a year? Just what the hell does that prove? 

I have absolutely never felt like this house was home. I haven't felt like I've had a home since we left the apartment. What I have felt like is a completely unwanted and unwelcome pest. How dare I come in and clean the pigsty? How dare I make this into something you don't have to feel ashamed of when guests come over? How dare I have an opinion? How dare I be an adult?

Anyhow, I'm done. No more cleaning here, no more taking care of the yard (except for the flowers because I'm digging them up and taking them with me). In my world, she no longer exists.

Know who else is soon to no longer exist? Mr. Wonderful! I don't know which excites me more: not having to deal with him anymore after this weekend or not living with the Bitch. In my world they're equals. They're both emotionally stunted, having stopped growing during the teenage years. At least he works. But I have never met people more self-centered and self-serving than the two of them.

We are going up to Detroit this weekend to get Alex's belongings. Provided, of course, that Mr. Wonderful and his equally wonderful bed-buddy haven't thrown his things out. It's going to be a long, tiring weekend. We're leaving Friday afternoon and coming right back Saturday evening or afternoon... depending on how fast we can get him packed up and loaded. The three of us will more than likely be sleeping all of Sunday.

Once we move into our house we'll probably be off the internet for a few weeks again. Not to worry, we'll be back as soon as we can. I'll be taking pictures of our house, before I start cleaning, while I'm in the process, and when it's done. It will be home. And I can't wait to get there.

Ah, where to start? From the end and work to the beginning? At the beginning? Where is the beginning?

Ever have one of those days that literally turns into days where so much shit goes on that you lose track of what happened? All you know is that when it's over, everything in your life has changed. Yet again. You know how it changed, but the why's and wherefores are totally gone. That's been the last couple days.

My parents got here Tuesday. Yay. As most of you know, I was totally looking forward to it. Not just to see them, but they were bringing my son with them. So, double yay. Got the phone call around two-ish saying they were at the campground. Two and a half hours to wait for Bryan to get home so we can drive out. Fast forward..we're walking to the car and his sister walks out behind us to ask us where we're going. Duh. Not like I  haven't been talking about it for a week. Even told her, several times. "Oh. Well, I wanted to talk to you about something but now I guess I have to wait until your parents leave." Whatever. Get over yourself.  More fastforwarding... we're at the campground, having a real nice visit. Gets late, time to head back to the house.

First thing I see when I walk in is a coffee table in the middle of the living room. I hate coffee tables and everyone who lives here knows it. Fire flies from my eyes, smoke from my nostrils. No, people, it wasn't the coffee table itself that flew me into a rage, it was the meaning behind it. The "this is MY house, MY rules, and you all are going to learn that!" sentiment it represented. I stalked over to the basement stairs and called down that if she wanted that damn table she better come get it or it's going out to the trash. That's right people... I threw down the gauntlet. NOT her house, NOT her rules, and we'd just had a talk about this a week ago.

We, Bryan and I, were informed by the bitchtress that it would be best for everyone if he didn't sell his house a few blocks away because SHE decided WE need to live there. She said she wants to prove to everyone that she can take care of the house and all. I lost it. I told her she was an immature little girl living in a woman's body, and that the time to prove herself was quite a few years ago, like most people do instead of living their entire lives with Mommy and Daddy. Bryan told her many of the same things. Her response to everything I said was "shut the fuck up and quit being a rag!" Yes, very mature. More words were said. In the end, it turns out she wants us out so she can have her little friends move in. I informed her she didn't have the right to kick us out. Bryan, the voice of reason (even though he agrees with me) said  "I'm not staying where I'm not wanted." So it was decided. We're moving.

No, people, things will NOT turn out the way little sister wants them to. Not at all. She's very stupid as well as immature. And she cracked open a can of worms she has no control over.

Okay, we're moving into the house Bryan owns. The one the renter just vacated this past weekend. Until Wednesday, I had never seen the inside of it before.  More on that in a minute.

So... Alex came with us to the house. Within ten minutes of his arrival, the fight began. Welcome to Missouri, Son. Poor kid.

Alex.

Alex is moving with us. He's staying here. Came down to the fact he didn't have to make the choice, it was made for him. I was checking my emails Wednesday morning when I got one saying I had a new MySpace message from Mr. Wonderful. As usual, filled with misspelled words, no punctuation, no flow... and lots of bullshit. Typical. Alex happened to be sitting with me when I looked at the message informing me that there would be no plane ticket home for him, that he (Mr W) would pack his stuff up and send it down. Alex shrugged his shoulders and said "Okay." So that's that.

Within less than 24 hours I get my son to live with me and have to move. Isn't life grand?

Do I seem upset about any of it? Seriously upset? There's lots of factors that piss me off about all of it, and my stomach has done it's turn of somersaults and high dives, but I'm really not upset. I get my son and I don't have to live with the bitch.  It's not so bad.

Okay... promised to get back to the house we're moving into. Our home! The renter not only took off owing 2 months rent, but she trashed the place. It's going to take more than a coat or two of paint to freshen it up. Not to mention the piles of trash left outside, inside, in the sheds... I'll get pictures the next time we're there so y'all can see what we're starting with.  Gotta tell ya though.... I LOVE THE KITCHEN! It's not huge, but it's got a nice set up and it's so much nicer than what's here. Oh, yeah... and there's 2 bathrooms (okay, one is a half bath and neither are in great shape, but that can be fixed)! I am totally looking at the bright side of this situation.

First, I can hardly believe July is here already. This year, like every year, is passing quickly. However, being July means that my parents will be here soon. As in Tuesday, Wednesday at the latest. They've already spent the last month in Michigan and will be staying here on their way home...not here, as in at the house (my dad has this thing about not liking to stay at anyone's house, he likes his own 'space'), but they'll be camping nearby.

I'm totally excited to be seeing them. The last time I saw them was in April of '06 when they were up because my uncle was sick, then left after his funeral. At that time I was still with Mr Wonderful, and although I wanted to leave him (had actually bookmarked April 2nd as the leaving date, but then couldn't afford it) I hadn't yet. Bryan and I were still in the "getting to know you" phase, no plans of actually meeting or starting anything; it was strictly an internet friendship. There was still a slight chance of keeping my house; my kids were all together and we were under one roof; I was working at the Shack and hating it. It's like it was an entirely different world.

Now, here I am in the St Louis metro area, over 600 miles from where I was then. One of my kids is homeless (but I heard he did get his GED and he's enrolled in community college, ready to start next month...still no place to call home, but he's trying to talk Mr Wonderful into letting him stay there...like that's gonna happen), and the other one is seriously contemplating the big move. Mr Wonderful has a girlfriend who seems perfect for him. The house is long gone, the lifestyle I had grown accustomed to is over, and I'm unemployed.

Anyhow...my parents will be here soon. Time to tidy up the house a bit (being unemployed means there really isn't a whole lot of tidying up to do because I'm on top of it daily). The bonus is that they're bringing the youngest son with them. That means I have to clean the spare room since he'll be sleeping there more than one night. No big deal really, just dusting, changing the bedding, vacuuming the carpet, putting some curtains up at the window. Three hours tops.

How did I get lucky enough to have the boy come to visit? Well... it wasn't his choice. A couple days ago I got message on my MySpace from Mr Wonderful informing me that he and Alex needed a break from each other. Of course, my initial reaction was #1) maybe it's not him you need a break from, moron. then #2) how can you need a break from someone you rarely see or spend time with?  However, since it means seeing my son, I'm agreeable. I wrote back and told him that if he felt the need to send Alex away, then it was up to him to make sure Alex has a plane ticket back and that he's there to pick him up. He claims he's going to get the ticket.

What Mr Wonderful doesn't know is that Alex is 80% in favor of moving down here right now. He's been talking it over with his friends.My worry is that while he's gone Mr Wonderful is going to pack up his stuff and as soon as he gets back, tell him he has to leave. I mentioned this to my son, whose answer was "I don't care. Two months ago it would have mattered, now I just don't care." Then he voiced a couple more of my concerns: "What if he doesn't buy my ticket back?" and "What if he isn't at the airport when I get there?" Easy. No return ticket merely means that me and Bryan drive him up there and get his stuff and bring him back. Not at the airport to pick him up? I call Mr Wonderful's dad to get him, then me and Bryan drive up there, get him and his stuff, and bring him back. Of course, should he buy his ticket but not be at the airport to get him and I have to call his dad... I know one grandpa who will be very pissed at his offspring (Grandpa Wonderful likes my son better than Mr Wonderful's bio kids).

When I called my parents to see if they would mind bringing Alex along, I talked to my dad. I said, "I have a situation, Dad. Seems Stupid has decided he needs a break from Alex. Can you pick him up and bring him with you?" My dad sighed in frustration and replied, "I knew it was going to happen. Christ. Yeah, it means cutting into my Sunday (packing up to leave) but I can't leave him there." Have I mentioned my parents don't like Mr Wonderful? Although they understand why I let my son stay behind with him, they'll probably be just as happy or maybe even more, if he moves down here with me and we can all say good riddance to Stupid.

So, I get to see my parents. I get to see my son. Life is good. And my parents and Bryan get to finally meet!

When I moved down here and met Bryan's family, I was met with welcome arms. From everyone (well, except his kids, who understandably weren't eager to embrace me). The thing is, all his family were so glad he left The Storm that it made it easy for them to like me just because I'm not her. I didn't even need to be as wonderful as I am, that was just a bonus, lol.

It's going to be the same with Bryan when he meets my parents. They'll be so happy he isn't Mr Wonderful that the fact that he really IS wonderful will be an added bonus. They won't know how to react to him, lol... someone who's friendly, smart, respectful, treats me better than I probably deserve (although because we tend to tease back and forth some people get the impression we don't treat each other well). They are going to love him. And he's going to love them if for no other reason than they're my parents... that they're great people is yet another bonus.

Sometimes, the little things just pile up one on top of the other, until one day something very minor sets the entire pile to tumbling. It's made worse if all little things and some big things get thrown into the same pile; things that don't belong together are just tossed into that pile and you can't tell anymore what the pile was when it began.But then that one little thing happens that causes the eruption and Hell has been set loose on earth. I guess that's my way of saying that the shit hit the fan this weekend.

What set it off was stupid. Childish. Incredibly immature. On my part, probably (I will never take the blame for something if I can find a way to pass it on to someone else, or at least to share it; therefore, I'm only saying 'probably' just to prove I'm really not as immature and childish as I might be). Anyway, we came home from having spent the day at Bryan's brothers' place Saturday and I walked into the kitchen to discover that only part of the dishes had been washed. The glasses that Bryan and I had dirtied were still sitting on the counter, but the dishes his sister and her boy-toy had used were washed.Then I saw that though both trash containers had been near overflowing when we left, only one had been emptied (I had planned on changing them before we left, because it's what I do, but I got distracted). Anyway, despite the fact I had just spent an entirely relaxing fun day, I lost my composure when I saw that. However, it was an incident that took place yesterday that totally pushed me over the edge.

I take care of the house. I also take care of the yard.Not because I think I can do it better than anyone else, just because it seems I'm the only one who does it. Let's be straight here: Bryan works two jobs, I'm not currently working outside the home, therefor it only seems right that he not have to do anymore around here than he wants. And actually, as I've stated several times, I enjoy yard work. I find it quite relaxing. Except yesterday. See, the handle on our lawnmower broke a little over a week ago. We have another mower with a very similar handle, but it turns out not exactly the right fit.While I took the trimmer out and trimmed and edged the front yard, Bryan changed handles on the mowers. Cut to the chase: the mower works fine and dandy while going straight; turning is a chore. I was wore out completely after doing the front yard...but the back yard still needed to be cut, too. I did most of it, including having trimmed back there, before I nearly passed out (and it really wasn't all that hot, it's just that it was hard work with the mower being hacked together). Bryan cut the last quarter of the back yard while I rested. I had also swept up all the grass that had blown into the sidewalks, the front porch, the drive way... and left it in a pile in the drive-way, leaving enough room for his sisters car behind it (she and the boy-toy had gone out).

Anyway... me and Bryan went out after the grass was all cut. When we got back I see that his sister had returned and instead of parking behind the pile, she kicked it all over and across the drive-way so she could park where she likes to park. I was livid.

So, bottom line here: I had tearfully explained to Bryan how I felt. He was quiet, no comment. Not sure if he was thinking I was being unreasonable, I went to our room and looked up prices for a bus ticket back to Michigan... because I had had my fill of living here and was ready to go. Seriously, with the stuff going on with my son and the stress living with this situation has put on me, I was ready to leave. A person can only take so much.

Then Bryan stands outside our bedroom door and tells me he needs me to go with him. I follow. He has sister sitting at the kitchen table, instructs me to sit down, too. The three of us sat there, Bryan did most of the talking, I did some, his sister did some, lots of tears were shed...but I think we're all on the same page now. Or at least in the same chapter. We were all able to get everything out, no voices were raised, no accusations made, yet things were said that needed to be said.

See, the thing is that I do love his sister. She annoys the crap out of me, but I do love her. Even with all the shit I've complained about, I never stopped loving her. I just didn't like her. And that makes a world of difference. But... I think it's going to be better now. Not great, but better. Tolerable. I'll still rant and rave here, I'm sure, because it's what I do. However, I don't think it will ever get as bad as it was.