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June 29 So stupid they're funnyBared my soul, now it's time to get back to the good stuff. If you don't find any of the following things funny, then doggone it.. you need to get to Dollar General and buy yourself a cheap sense of humor.
There are days (like when you've just quit your job without a new one to go to.. hint hint.. like I did) when you really need a good belly laugh. For me, a couple of these did the trick. I was literally laughing so hard at the silliness of them that I hurt and had tears streaming down my eyes.. hell, I could barely breathe!
I'm also gonna give a little free advice before you get to read these things. If you're gonna grill anything on a gas grill... even if the electronic ignitor doesn't work... you still need to turn the gas on before anything will light. Oh, and when the flames shoot up and you can't get to the brats in fear of burning your little fingers... you can turn the burner off, but the flame will probably still shoot out. Um ... that's when you might want to turn the gas off. Not that I'd know any of this first hand or anything (cough cough)... just something I picked up along the way.
With that.. read on. Laugh out loud... it's good for your soul.
1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It. 2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? Tame Way, Unique Up On It. 3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest? They Take The Psycho Path 4. How Do You Get Holy Water? You Boil The Hell Out Of It. 5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall? Dam! 6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice Too Long? Polaroid's 7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work? A Stick 8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese. 9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? Subordinate Clauses. 10. What Do you Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quattro Sinko. 11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow? Spoiled Milk. 12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire? Frostbite. 13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck. 14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup? Anyone Can Roast Beef. Can You Pea Soup? 15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him. 16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils? Because They Have Big Fingers. 17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog. 18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? Sanka. 19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover? The Location Of The Dirt Bag. 20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down? Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat. 21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver? A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack. 22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same? Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer Now, admit it, At least one of these made you smile
7 and 15 did it for me.... a stick! omg.... a stick!!! where do you find a dog that has no legs??? right where you left him!!! omg... to fucking funny!!! June 27 There's a story in your eyes....I have a feeling that sometimes I might come across as somewhat quasi-pathetic. It really is not that bad.. I tend toward melodramatics. Okay, parts of it are as bad as I make them seem, but hey... you can't have everything. At once, anyhow. To all of you who sent hugs and well wishes after my pity party, thank you. To those who gave advice, even if you did renig later... thanks. To those of you who may have stopped in and decided not to comment for whatever reason... fuck off ,asshole. LOL.. no, I'm sorry.. I didn't mean that. Really. I'm a nice person. Sarcasm.. you know.. just another endearing trait. Hey! It is too! Anyway, let's clear some things up, okay? My life is the way it is because of decisions I made. I take ownership of every wrong turn I've taken, every sorry choice, everything. I am where I am because I've done nothing to change it. So, when I bitch about any of it, it's really just me bitching at me. I can't change who Mr Wonderful is. Unfortunately, I knew who he was almost as soon as I moved in with him, and especially by the time I married him. I still chose to take that road. No matter how many excuses or reasons or what have you I come up with, the simple truth is ... I chose it. I never expected him to change. I never wanted to change him. I merely thought I could learn to accept certain things, that circumstances might change. And being the woman I am and have been, I thought maybe most of it was somehow my fault... that my expectations were too high, my standards not reachable. Used to being right all the time, it hit me like a bat upside the head a couple years ago to realize I was wrong. My expectations weren't too high, my standards not unreachable.... I had lowered them to a level that was unacceptable to me and he still wasn't reaching them. It wasn't me. And it wasn't him... it was that I made a bad decision. I chose to be with the wrong person for me. So, for the last couple years I've been beating myself up for that. And it made me into someone I don't always like. Cynicism and bitterness are not natural to me. Sarcasm, yes.. it's always been my "hide behind", but it's an art lost in this household. I guess my point in writing this is to .. I don't know.. let you all have a sneak peak into my psyche maybe? Cleansing? I really don't know. Or, it could just be to say: I appreciate all the kindness I've been shown by so many of you, but it's time to quit worrying about me. I'm going to be just fine. One day soon this period in my life will serve it's purpose - as a gauge to show just how great and wonderful my future really is. Life not only can be good... it will be. now, if I could just get that knight to show up and whisk me away... hell, I don't even care if his armor is shining. And what the fuck?? where did that damn fairy godmother get to? she promised me she'd be here this evening.... there's a ball I have to get to... !! jesus h christ.. do I have to do everything??? hmmph! who is the lucky girl?HAPPY BIRTHDAY
PATTY !!!!!
   HOPE YOUR DAY IS WONDERFUL AND GREAT AS YOU ARE! June 26 Adult Fairy TalesCINDERELLA wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her.
As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promised to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm." Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?" "You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
 Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m. The appointed hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m. Cinderella shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied. "Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!" "I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything." The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no
prince with that kind of power! Tell me his name!" Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly, Peter, Peter, something or other..."  ___________________________________________ PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened. A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?" Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"  _____________________________________________ LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!" To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No, you're not. You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book."  ____________________________________________ MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."  Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's f**king Goofy."  ___________________________________________ SNOW WHITE saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying, "Lie to me! Lie to me!"  ___________________________________________ Did you know ..Captain Hook died from jock itch. ____________________________________________ One day, JANE met TARZAN in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him how he engaged to have sex. "What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree." Horrified, she said, " Tarzan, you have it all wrong but I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground and spread her legs. "Here," she said, "you must put it in here." Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?" "Just checking for bees," said Tarzan  June 25 vacations over... *sigh*Tonight I feel like having a little bit of a pity party. You're all invited, of course. Gifts are optional.
This was the last day of my vacation. It's over and I feel... deflated. And depressed that tomorrow afternoon I have to go back to the much hated place. I so do not want to go there.
I also feel like I was cheated out of two days of my vacation. Somebody forgot to tell me he wasn't going back to work until Wednesday. So I had to share two days with him. It sucked. To make up for it, somebody forgot to tell him I was on vacation this week... until he was walking out the door Wednesday.
I only got half the things done this week that I had planned on doing. Truthfully, it was just too damn nice outside most days and I couldn't bring myself to go in the house and do a damn thing. Well, until after he'd gone to work, anyhow. I did manage to get a wall painted in the dining room, clean up the basement, sort thru a couple things, cut the grass. I still have a mental list of everything I need to do, and a timeline for getting it done... but that procrastination disease is hitting pretty hard these days. I think I do my best work under a deadline, anyway.
Seriously, I have never not wanted to go back to work as much as I do right now. If old manager, B, was still there it might not be so bad. But new manager K is just too fucking uptight and by the book. And I found out I'm closing with her tomorrow night. Just me and her. Oh joy joy, fun fun. Crappy homelife, crappy worklife. It just sucks.
Y'know.. it isn't so bad if at least one of them is worth going to, but when they both suck equally bad... it's a not good feeling. And that's where I am right now.
Well, I hope you enjoyed the party. It's over now. At least your participation in it. I'm skulking over to a corner to be alone now. June 24 Are you a bad customer?? shame on you!I found this in an article here, but am only posting the parts that are of interest to me and anyone else who works in retail. It's about being a bad customer.... and why you shouldn't be one. Would love to make copies of it and post it all over the store, lol !
Fulfilling a paranoiac’s nightmare, many retailers, service providers and other companies today are deciding some of their customers simply aren’t worth the trouble.....That’s why many corporations, aided by massive computer databases of customers’ shopping habits, try to separate their profitable from their unprofitable customers. Some examples of how they treat ‘bad’ customers differently:....
'Bad' behaviors Some of the behaviors retailers don’t like are clearly unethical, even if they’re not illegal. These include:
ways to cope
Okay.. trust me on this.... the customer is not always right and I don't have a problem letting them know. That's just the way I am. Policy is policy... I don't write it, don't blame me if you don't like it. It's pretty easy actually... treat me well, I'll do whatever it takes to make things right for you. Treat me like shit.. you ain't gettin nuttin' dick! Walmart Wine Wal-Mart's New Wines Wal-Mart has announced that they will soon be offering customers a new discount item: Wal-Mart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with E & J Gallo Winery of Modesto, California, to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $2 -$5 range. Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand into their shopping carts, but, says Kathy Mickey, VP of marketing, "There is a market for inexpensive wine. The right name is very important." Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the Wal-Mart brand. The top surveyed names in order of popularity included: 10. Chateau Trailer Parc 9. White Trashfindel 8. Big Red Gulp 7. World Championship Riesling 6. NASCARbernet 5. Chef Boyardeaux 4. Peanut Noir 3. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar 2. Grape Expectations And the most popular suggestion Wal-Mart's new wine: 1. Nasti Spumante The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with either white meat (Possum) or red meat (Squirrel). Save time by starting a search from any Web page with the MSN Search Toolbar-FREE! June 23 One day this all might make sense....There are so many things I would love to write about, but it's all about timing. Right time, wrong time, good time, bad time, no time... you get the picture.
For all the things that are good about me, there are things that are ... bad. But then I wonder, are they bad or is that just how I imagine other people will think of them? And that makes me wonder: is how other people see me and think of me really that important? Isn't it more important that I'm okay with who I am and the choices I make?
This has nothing to do with timing, and yet it has everything to do with it. So I'm really not babbling, as it may appear, I'm merely trying to make a point without going into details.
The thing is, I've always strived to be a good person, whatever that might be. Hell, I'm not even sure what my definition of a "good person" is. I guess it's anyone who doesn't do wrong. And there again, another gray area. I don't like hurting people, even people I don't like. But sometimes I think we all have to do what is right for us; if someone is hurt because of that decision... well, hurts heal and life goes on. We shouldn't be held responsibe for other peoples' reactions to our actions anymore than they should be held responsible for ours.
We all have opinions. About everything. Whether we choose to give them voice is a decision we all make. Sometimes it's in the best interest of everyone if we keep those opinions to ourselves. It really is possible to love and respect someone even if you don't approve of something they've done. An opinion on the matter isn't always needed or wanted.
Love. Respect. Approval. Those are things we all desire. I believe love given should always be unconditional. It may not last, or it could go on forever... always....and a day. And there are different types of love: for a parent, a child, a friend, a sweetheart, a lover, a spouse. The thing is.. . love is love, it's either there or it isn't.
Respect has to be earned, never just given. Once lost, it's difficult to regain. So it seems we're all striving to gain and keep it once we have it. To some of us it's something very important; to others it means nothing.
Approval is such a gray area. Is it important that we have it from other people, that they have it from us? I don't know anyone who doesn't appreciate it, but is it really something we need? Would life end tomorrow if we didn't have everyone's approval for everything we do, think, and say? I think somewhere in my definition of being a "good person", needing it was imperative.... but from now on it's optional. I can live without it.
We all have to do what is right for us. When the time is right to do it. And there's only one person who knows what that is and when that is. Unless you're lucky.... and there's two. June 22 My life Part WhateverFor a short time longer, I am a step mom. If you are one or have been one or about to become one.... it is never the Brady Bunch. Ever. My experience has been more like Friday the Thirteenth parts 1 thru forever.
They were 7 and 10 when I met them. The boy and I got along pretty good for awhile. The girl and I have always been on shaky ground. Right from the first they called me Mom... until recently. The girl called me Kim the last time she spoke to me. Mr Wonderful would get all pissy because my youngest son didn't call him Dad. Could not get that man to understand that since he'd never had anyone in his life to call Dad it wasn't an easy thing for him; that if it was ever going to happen he couldn't push for it and it had to be when Alex was ready. Two or three years into the marriage, he was ready.
Their mom moved them sixty-two miles away the same month we got married. That sucks. It sucks not only because of the long ass drive every other weekend but also because Mr Wonderful isn't close enough to go to school functions or parent teacher stuff, or doctors appointments, and things that are important. And it sucks because their mom won't let them stay for extended periods of time and they can't just stop in whenever they want.
That, however, is not the reason I don't like being their stepmom. The boy was seven when I met him...an immature seven. He's taller (but not much)and about a hundred pounds heavier now, will be 13 next month, and still acts pretty much the same as he did when I first met him. In all fairness to him, I know why he acts the way he does. But of course, my opinions don't hold water. And the excuse I get from Mr Wonderful is that he can't undo in a weekend what the boys mother has done to him in the two weeks prior. Again, passing the blame instead of taking responsibility. I used to get on the boy whenever he started whining and acting like a five year old, but then Mr Wonderful convinced him I was doing that because I hate him. So I quit.
The girl. Ah yes, my lovely step princess bitch daughter. She can do no wrong. Never has. Find my diary, read it and give it to Daddy to read? Well, it was in plain sight hidden away afterall, where you had to be snooping to find it. Bad! Bad! Talk to me in a tone voice I wouldn't allow an adult to talk to me in? Well, she is entitled to her opinions you know! Dress like a sleaze? But she's so petite (cough! cough!), and besides that... it's her mother's influence, what is he supposed to do about it?
I would like to blame the kids. But really... they're only kids. When you're a step mom (or step dad) you can only do what their parent allows. Where as I've allowed him to be 'the dad' with my son, he's kept me restricted to not only being the step mom, but the step mom who has no say in anything. It has not been easy. Or fun.
June 19 huh... check this outFor about the last seven years I've had this thing that happens to me, and I never knew what it was. The first time it happened I freaked out, thought I was going blind or something. What happens is I first see 'spots', like when a flashbulb has gone off in front of you. Then the spots get bigger, then smaller, then it turns into this prism off to the side of my vision. I lose all peripheral vision.. except for the prism. It starts out small, then gets bigger until I can barely see anything out of whichever eye it's affecting. Usually my right eye. This lasts anywhere from ten minutes to a half hour. It's pretty damn freaky and a bit scary.
I went to see my family doctor after it happened twice. He thought I might have a separated cornea or something, so he sent me to see an eye specialist. Nope, nothing wrong with my eyes except for my slight nearsightedness. So he told me it was a sudden drop in my blood pressure.
So all these past years I've accepted that answer. However.... never say you can't learn something from reading fiction. I have the new Dean Koontz book... The Husband... and while reading it this afternoon (before I started cleaning and painting the dining room wall), one of the characters explained that he got migraines that didn't cause headaches. Huh? I thought all migraines were headaches. Then he described them and I had to read that passage three times. I said to Mr Wonderful: OMG! This is what I get! Of course, being the wonderful compassionate man he is, he made some stupid remark that pretty much was meant to make me feel stupid for believing I could find the answer to a medical problem in a book. Dah. Hey, we're not talking genius standing here, lol..
Anyway, I just looked it up to be sure it was real. And yup... it is. And it's exactly what happens to me.
Other Types of Migraines
Ocular: During an ocular migraine, the blood vessels of the eyes, rather than those of the skull or brainstem, spasm and instead of pain, the sufferer becomes aware of lights in the peripheral vision. Often jagged and pastel colored in nature, the light disturbance intensifies, and enlarges until it is centered in the eye. Ocular migraines typically fade away after about fifteen to twenty minutes. Some people report a mild headache after this experience, while others simply feel fatigued. I don't usually feel fatigued after an episode... just relieved. I can see again! Yay! Once in awhile I'll get a headache afterwards, but never anything serious. In fact, I rarely get headaches that are serious.
Pretty neat, huh? I not only get to learn about psycho brains when I read Koontz, I get to learn cool medical stuff too!
Reading is good. And a mind is a terrible thing to waste. Good Idea... and not mine, go figure!Just read something here that totally got my attention. What a great idea for those of us seeking singledom, and those who are already there: it's about expectations and why they're important.
" What are your expectations in a spouse or partner? Try and keep it to under twenty.Any number is good. "
I'm game. I like these kinds of things... I get to learn more about me. They make me think. Use my brain for more than taking up otherwise unused space in my noggin. So..... here's my list:
Never forget why we fell in love… that the traits we find endearing in each other don’t become annoying ticks that piss the other one off
Always kiss hello, good-bye, and say I love you.. even if we’ve just had a fight
Hold hands often
Make sure we have a ‘date night’ at least once a month, whether to go bowling or to see a movie or a show or concert or just out to eat.. just the two of us
To make sure we have ‘alone’ time, away from each other while still in the same house, an hour or two a day
Never forget we’re two individuals, not one person in two bodies
That a difference of opinion about something doesn’t mean one opinion is right and one is wrong… just different
That we always present a united front in front of the kids and the rest of the world, even if we may not agree with what the other has said or done…. It gets discussed in private, when we’re alone and no one can hear
All issues get discussed as soon as they arise or as soon as possible if there are circumstances preventing an immediate discussion
We don’t need to seek the other’s ‘permission’ to go somewhere or do something, just double check to make sure no other plans have been made
No secrets, or hiding, or sneaking… everything is in the open (gifts and special surprises not included)
Respect for each other’s feelings, thoughts, desires, ideas, etc….
In any fight, dispute, or debate, nothing beyond two weeks past can be brought up
No playing the ‘blame game’ . Sometimes things happen and no one is ‘at fault’.
And, of course, the list is subject to change ... additions, re-phrasing, as long as it is discussed first
June 17 ThoughtsI'd heard thru the grapevine that yet another manager at work was about to be fired. We wondered who it might be. I found out today. Score: managers I've worked for gone - 3; those still employed - 2. I called my old store at the mall today and found out that the manager there is on suspension. Gee, that's what happened to my last manager before they let him go. So, it's one quit, one transferred out of state, two fired, and the one I have now. Or, at least, that will be the score by the time I get back from vacation.
Is it me? Am I bad luck for managers? LOL.. yeah, must be. But... I had a good sales day today. Yes, I did! Over $1900 in personal sales in an 8 hour shift. Woo Hoo Me! Wouldn't make a big deal over it, except that's about what I do in 3 or 4 days when I'm having a good week, lol... not exactly a ball buster salesperson am I.
Anyhow, that's just babble. What I sat down to write tonight.... I just finished watching North Country. If you haven't seen it yet, please do. I think it's something all girls should watch - at least those between 16 and 30. The ones who take it all for granted. The ones who were born after all the fights had been fought, policies in place. The ones who just don't get that it wasn't always like it is today. Sure, it still isn't hunky-dory, a perfect environment, but it beats the shit out of what it was.
Eighteen years ago I drove a big rig. Most of you know this. I was a woman in a man's world. Literally. At that time there was maybe 1 woman to every 15 men. But I didn't get alot of harassment. In fact, there's only one man I recall being pissed that I "took a job from a man". The rest actually found my company pretty damn pleasant... I was told quite often, when I was sitting at dinner with 2 or 3 other drivers, that it was nice to have a woman at the table when they ate... especially one who knew what their life was like.
I was treated, for the most part, quite nicely. When I pulled into a truck stop for dinner, or to shower, or just to take a break from driving, and I wound up parking in the back 40, I always had an escort to the building. And back out to my rig. If it wasn't someone I'd been 'riding' with, it was someone who had either seen me pull in or heard me on the CB. But there was always someone there to make sure I got in safely.
When I got to whatever warehouse I was picking up from or delivering to, nine times out of ten, the guys on the dock treated me decent. And even the few who were dicks, knew enough to keep just on the right side of the line.
The point I'm trying to make here isn't that truck drivers, in general, are basically nice guys. Some are dicks who should be off the road.. not for the way they treat people, but for the way they drive... but that's another story. The point I'm trying to make is that I had the opportunity to be a driver. And to be treated with respect. Even as few as ten years earlier, that option may not have been open to me... unless I was married to a trucker or had a set of brass balls.
The thing is, I knew then, as I do now, that there were women before me to thank. And men who were secure enough in their masculinity to let a woman at least try a "man's" job without feeling threatened. And I'm just not so sure that the women coming up in the world today appreciate all it took for them to have the opportunities they have... to be and do whatever they want when they grow up.
I guess this is where I say publicly: Thank You. To every woman who was a pioneer in her field; to every woman who stood up for what was right; to every woman, in whatever capacity it took, made it possible for me to be whatever I wanted. And to the men who knew what was right.
Talking about Are you white trash?
Quote Are you white trash? June 16 There's a commercial and I can't remember what it's for, but Sunday Kind Of Love is the theme music for it. Last week sometime, I'm sitting in the living room watching the tube, or pretending to anyhow, when the commercial comes on. Mr Wonderful, in all seriousness, asks me what that means. What's a Sunday kind of love. And I had to explain it to him. Naturally, he'd have no idea. Love, to him, means that the person he 'loves' is supposed to be exactly whatever it is he wants at the time.
Anyhow, I have always liked the song. So I downloaded it. And then I went and found the lyrics:
I want a Sunday kind of love A love to last past Saturday night And I’d like to know it’s more than love at first sight And I want a Sunday kind of love Oh yea yea I want a a love that’s on the square Can’t seem to find somebody Someone to care And I’m on a lonely road that leads to no where I need a Sunday kind of love I do my Sunday dreaming, Oh yea And all my Sunday scheming Every minute, every hour, every day Oh I’m hoping to discover A certain kind of lover Who will show me the way And my arms need someone Someone to enfold To keep me warm when Mondays and Tuesdays grow cold Love for all my life to have and to hold Oh and I want a Sunday kind of love Oh yea yea yea I don’t want a Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday, or Thursday, Friday or Saturday Oh nothing but Sunday oh yea I want a Sunday Sunday I want a Sunday kind of love Oh yea Sunday, Sunday, Sunday kind of loooove That's what I want. That's what I'm going to get. I'm not settling for less. forewarning: downloaded at least five Etta James songs... they'll be playing quite often June 14 Once in awhile...I think he's forgotten some big 'talk' we've had, or chosen to not remember, anyhow. Then, weeks later, he'll mention it out of the blue. However, today it felt like he was trying to 'woo' me.... win back my affections or something. Well... wooie wooie wooie.... about two years to late for that, popsicle stick!
For at least the last year and a half I've felt like I was single without the added benefits of being single. I think you have to have been in or be in a situation like mine to totally understand that. Or maybe it's better explained that I've felt like I have a roommate who wants and expects more than he should. And I'm not saying, by any means, that I'm an innocent party. The right thing would have been to leave as soon as I started feeling this way. But I kept coming up with one excuse after another to stay until it just became a way of life. By the end of the year it will all be a bad memory...
So, anyhow... he decided that since we both had the very same day off, and that is rare (funny how that happens, isn't it...? us rarely having the same day off??? almost like it's planned or something,lol), we should "do something". So I waited for what was going to come out of his mouth, wondering what lame sorry excuse I could come up with to avoid whatever he had in mind... when he suggested driving up to Metro Beach Metroparkway. Since I already knew any plans I may have had for the day were pretty much shot, I decided what the hell?
The park is about 8 miles from my house. We took Jefferson Avenue up.. and for those of you not familiar with the Detroit metro area... Jefferson Avenue runs alongside Lake St Clair. From downtown Detroit thru the Grosse Pointes, St Clair Shores, and Harrison Township you're going to not only see some gorgeous views of the lake, but some pretty, big, expensive houses. A few have one drive leading back to maybe three houses set way back off the road, some with gates, some without. Whenever I drive along that way I think to myself...wow, those are some really pretty houses, but I wouldn't want to live in one. Never fancied myself living in a house bigger than I can clean in a day, lol.
Anyhow, back to the park. I'd never been there before. We go in, drive about a mile back, park, then walk along the canal to the 'point', probably nearly a mile. Saw some big boats, some small boats, some old men who should have had shirts on. Also saw geese... lots and lots of geese. Canadien style...except for one white goose who seemed to be confused. Didn't have my camera, but was able to take a couple on my phone. Also saw some swans a swimming in the canal. Anyhow... was kinda leary about the geese... all the geese I've encountered have been....well, shall we say unfriendly? Thought about letting them cross the walk, wait until they were at least more than a few inches away before continuing, but there were just so many! Thankfully, they didn't seem to care we were there. One did... he hissed at me as I walked by. Damn goose!
It was actually nice there. We walked around, over to the other side of the park, where the beach is. I'm not fond of beaches. Never have been. I don't like to swim in or walk in or frolic in lakes or ponds or anything that might have fishys and other little icky creatures in it that would see me as nibble material. Give me a pool if I want to play in the water, lol. Anyhow, as beaches go, it was okay. Even pretty crowded for a weekday mid-afternoon.
By the time we'd gotten that far my foot was bothering me. Have I mentioned the problem I have with my achilles? Actually, there's a bump on the back of my heel I should probably have checked out. The thing is, I knew if I continued walking at the brisk pace I was enjoying, I might not be able to walk at all in the morning. And besides that... I really was getting pretty damn tired of his company. Something about being talked to as if I was a child I find incredibly annoying, and I knew if we didn't get out of there soon I'd say or do something I might regret. And since he hadn't made any of his usual remarks made just to piss me off, I didn't want to be the one to start something. Let's just go along with the charade that all is good.... I'm so sick of fighting.
In the end ... well, in the end we actually spent the day together without a fight. That was a first and must have been really difficult for him.... keeping his mouth shut. Or maybe I've just gotten good at tuning him out; including tuning out his remarks about how quiet I am around him. Hey, if I don't say anything he can't twist and turn it around and start a fight, right?
Oh... and I got the new Dean Koontz book ... appropriately, in an ironic twist, titled 'The Husband'.
ps.... also got more color, lol.. except on my legs, and I was even wearing shorts! June 13 I had a very productive day today...and I feel pretty good about it. Got up this morning and tended to my flowers, which needed it, then decided that since it wasn't too hot, but no where near cold, I'd clean my car. Now, my car wasn't exactly a pigsty or anything, but it had been probably since last fall when it was last cleaned.
I cleaned the windows, inside and out. I cleaned the dash, the consul, the doors.... clean and armorall. Then I handwashed the outside, except for the rims, which I'll probably do tomorrow. I spent at least a half hour at the carwash afterwards, vacuuming all the damn dog hair off the carpet...omg.. I didn't realize how bad it was until I started.. and then knew I couldn't do a half ass job. Then I came home, put RainX on the windshield... if you have never used this before....GO BUY SOME AND PUT IT ON!!! It is wonderful! I love being able to drive 60mph in a driving rain and not use the wipers because the rain just glides right off and you can see clear.
The sun was alternately peeking out and hiding today while I was outside, which really was most of the day, so I even managed to get some color on my pasty skin! Unfortunately, the legs are still glow-in-the-dark white because I was wearing jeans, but my face, arms, and neck are a nice pink, lol. I have a tube of tan, but it seems it tends to make my legs look like I have a skin disease... and even when I wear shorts out in the sun, legs just seem immune to the suns' rays so they don't even turn pink (unless I slather them in baby oil and lay out on a hilled beach on a cloudy day... right, Judy? That was torturous pain... I'll write about it sometime)
The only downfall to my entire day was the news that due to some unforseen events, my vacation isn't going to be quite as nice as I had hoped. But, it's all good... temporary setback, bit of a let-down, but do-able. Have to go back on the ol' reliable 'things happen for a reason, when they're supposed to and not a minute before'. So, I'll use the time to do what I was going to anyway... organizing and cleaning this stupid house and maybe even the garage. Oh, and let's not forget... some good old sitting back doing nothing. That's always do-able.
June 12 another one from Patty, thanks woman!A koala is sitting up a gum tree ... smoking a joint
 when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says,  "Hey Koala ! What are you doing?" The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some." So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints. After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river. But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river. .  A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard: "What's the matter with you?" The little lizard ex plains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!" So the koala looks down at him and says:  "Shiiiiiiiiiiit dude ... how much water did you drink?!!" the interviewI got 'sick' around 1:20 this afternoon and had to leave work. LOL.. yeah, we already knew that was going to happen.But, because my brain is in such a euphorius state of mush lately, I seem to have thrown away the paper I wrote the address down on for where the interview was. I knew the general location, on V Road between X and Y, so as soon as I passed X, I started looking. Oh yeah... couldn't have missed it if I was blind...big building. So I go in and park, walk to what appears to be the front entrance only to find that because there's extensive construction going on, that door is locked and there ain't no goin' in. So I walk around to the side where I saw more doors. Nope, ain't gettin in that way, either. So..... I walk around behind the building around to the other side.... finally! An entrance! That's open! Woo Hoo!
Three of us walk in at the same time. We sign in , get our little name badge thingys, and the guard walks us to 'the quiet' room. Somebody was in there napping, lol. Couple minutes later, a fourth person joins us. Couple minutes after that, a fifth, then a sixth. Two people didn't show. So the guy doing the testing, Isaiah, takes us all the way to the other end of the building where we'll be taking the test.
Six women. We sit at the conference table, Isaiah tells us to print our names on the front of the application, and to sign and date the back. He leaves for a couple minutes while we start to fill out the applications. Then he says: math test... there are calculators in front of you that have the percent key, you've got fifteen minutes.
Gotta tell ya about this math test... OMG... if it was any easier a monkey could have done it. Maybe five problems on the first page.... all in the manner of : what is 7% of 57.88. Second page was to figure out how much a customer pays per day based on their monthly bill, basing the month on 30 days. Typical question: Mrs B spends 67.88 a month, what does it cost per day? Round your answer off. Third page was this long story problem, but you only had to figure out how much a customer would be reimbursed if their bill was like 45.67 a month and they lost cable for 5 days. Easy.
Six women taking the test. Four of us got 100% correct, two flunked. And Isaiah told us that in the morning round, only one person got 100%. How could you not get all the questions correct????
The other part of the test was one of those personality survey thingys. If you've ever taken one then you know, they ask some really stupid questions as well as the questions that determine if you're a fit for the job. You answer either Agree or Disagree. Some of the stupid questions: there are 7 days in a week; there are 70 hours in a day; you can read well enough to answer this survey. Then, of course, they repeat a couple questions, to test your consistency. I actually witnessed the woman sitting across from me going back to see how she answered the first of those type of questions.... oi vey!
So... I was the first to finish the survey and have my application filled out. Which meant I was the first of us to get interviewed. And who interviewed me???? OMG.. it was Erik... the man who did the quickie interview at the job fair! He told me it was the first time he's ever interviewed someone he had also done the pre-screening on.
The actual interview took like ten minutes. He did alot of writing... all the while telling me that the more he wrote, the better it was for me. Now, when I say the actual interview, this is just my way of saying we did alot of talking, some interview related, some not. I was in his cube with him for maybe a half hour, forty-five minutes. Toward the end, he told me that I did good. Then he explained the rest of the hiring process and that any delays in hiring would be because of the construction. I'm hoping to hear from HR by the end of my vacation. Got a good feeling.
Anyhow, until I hear from them I keep on doing what I'm doing. The next two days off, then I work four days, then I'm on vacation. And I've got a feeling it's gonna be a real nice vacation, too! Real nice!
Ah yes, life is good. June 10 I know bad guysOkay, guys (and gals), how well do you know bad guys? Take the quiz here... I got 8/10, and would have gotten 9/10 had I gone with my first instinct. LOL... never doubt those instincts.
June 09 little of this, little of thatThis will, more than likely, be yet another of my wild tangents that starts at one place and somehow, mysteriously, finds it's way to some unknown destination. First, let me get this off my mind.. for reasons I won't go into, my brain is mush these days... moreso than usual. Alot goes in, but lately there's only one thing that's sticking..everything else just seems to vanish.
I just took a test I found quite by accident over at Judy's Java Joint... clicked to take one quiz but then this caught my attention. Maybe because I've been considering going back to school.. it was a career counseling thingy. Anyway, I took the test and you'll just never guess what it said!! LOL, okay, those who know me pretty well might know... it says I should be a writer!! well no duh! Actually, writing was 98%, then food service at 88%; personal service 85%; teaching/social service 84%; and the fifth highest was administration with 81%. The lowest was science... 7%. Maybe I should write books about food????
For those of you who may be interested... I go for my interview/testing for the cable company on Monday at 2pm. Let's all keep our fingers crossed I don't fudge it up. LOL.. I'm supposed to work 8:30-5, but at 1:30 I'm going to become mysteriously ill and need to leave immediately. Not like it's going to be a surprise to anyone.. the boss is out of town and the guys I'm working with that day already know.
Oh.. yeah.. I've postponed my vacation. Some of you already know this, some don't. Turns out Mr Wonderful decided to take from Wednesday thru Sunday off. Did one of you guys tell him I was planning my vacation? I oughta kick your ass if you did! Anyway, with the old manager getting fired and the new one coming in.. and she'd already planned a long weekend, it was better for all of us if I postponed. Anyway, if y'all can keep a secret, my vacation will start a week from Monday. I swear.. if I find out who spilled the beans.... I'm gonna kick some serious booty!!
Despite the fact I haven't had a day off since the 30th, I've still managed to get some stuff done. Planted 3 flats of flowers between what's out front in the flower bed and what went in the flower boxes out back. Still have one flat left. Put mulch down in the front. Yep, my knees, my legs, my back.... sore. But worth it. Gonna look great once they grow. Right now they look like little baby buds.
Know how when something great happens in your life, all the bullshit just doesn't seem as ... bullshitty? Almost trivial? That's how I've been feeling lately. It's a pretty damn good feeling. Hope it lasts a lifetime. LOL...y'all will appreciate it too.... 'cause I just don't feel like bitching about the stupid stuff anymore.
Anyway, that's about it this time around. Hope y'all are having a happy kind of day! I am!!!
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