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December 30 last one this year??I just feel sooo much better today! The blues demon has been excorsized and is gone... for now anyhow. I even had a really good day at work. Laughed, joked around, had fun. Wow.. what a concept! Of course, it helped knowing I didn't have to make that long ass trip this afternoon (Mr Wonderful must have the weekend off, he's going to pick his kids up tomorrow morning... yeah, we communicate real well *cough*).
ONE MORE MORNING TO GET UP THIS YEAR!!!
Okay, I know it's stupid. Like magically and mysteriously on January 1, 2006 my world is going to go from blah-cough-yuck- stuck in a rut, to happy-ending-movies-are-made-of-this... I'm not quite that naiive. It's just that you have no idea how crappy sucky this year has been for me.... I remember one of my regular customers coming in to the store on January 3rd saying: we need a do-over, this year sucks already.... and I agreed. It went from bottom of the hole -to- buried way beneath the mud and debris at the bottom of the hole, and then just churned around in there for the rest of the year. I'm just looking at tomorrow as being the last day of the worst year of my life and Sunday as being the first day of the year I get me back again. Hey,we all need a starting point.
Anyhow, I really do expect 2k6 (how anal is that? 2k6..? like it's too difficult to type 2006 or something. Who do I think I am?) to be so much better than this one has been. I think it's gonna be filled with huge changes and difficult times, but nothing I can't get through. One year from today my life will be very different from what it is right now, and that's what motivates me to get up every morning and do what I need to do. For the first time in what feels like ages, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel (and I didn't even have to have a near death experience). Life can, and will, be good again.
Next Christmas, not only am I decorating the inside, but also the yard (if I have one, who knows where I'll be living), AND... this is the good part... baking a shitload of cookies!!! I'm getting up on Christmas morning, going to the tree, and opening a gift to me, from me, and it's going to be something I don't need. I don't care it it's some ugly little trinket from the dollar store... it's going to be something I don't need. And then I'm going to eat a nice dinner, and watch some silly Christmas movie (unless there's a good football game on). Unlike this year, when it was nothing more than a much needed day off, and Mr Wonderful ruined even that by saying: this is the worst Christmas ever... when I was actually enjoying sitting on the sofa curled up in my pj's watching movies all day, too tired to care that we had done nothing festive or made a big dinner. He might as well have slapped me in the face and said: you're company isn't enough. Pretty much had the same effect. Ah well.... soon.
One year from tomorrow I'm either going to invite a couple friends or family in and get rip roaring stupid drunk or I'm going to invite myself over to someone else's and do the same (spend the night, too.. no driving drunk for me... well, probably be passed out after a couple drinks anyhow). Unlike this year, when all I want is to get through the night without fighting.
Oh, and to prove that 2006 is going to be better... Player( the manager at the store) and I were talking this afternoon while making the schedule and have made the decision that beginning the middle of January (since the schedules are already posted thru then) we're gonna start working 5 days instead of six. If we're working ten hour days in a store that's only open 12 hours (eight on Sundays), we don't both need to be there six days. Oh yeah, I did the happy dance at that announcement! Of course, everyone laughed at me, but what the hell...at least I didn't sing.
And with that... y'all have a great New Years!!! I'm sure I most likely won't be back with an update until Monday or Tuesday.... OF NEXT YEAR!!!! YAY!!! well, not yay that I won't be online til then, just yay that it'll be next year..
hugs to y'all
December 29 No title, just....I'm having a bit of a 'blue' evening. You know that feeling.... you're not really sad, not quite at peace, and ~happy~ or at least contentment is just out of reach. You know the reason you're feeling this way, sometimes anyhow, but you either don't want to acknowledge it or it's just fragments of so many things you can't grasp onto any of them. You're not sad enough to cry or be depressed, you don't want to whine about anything, you just can't find your 'oomph'. That's how I'm feeling.
I know why I'm feeling this way. I'm missing someone. I miss the friendship, the flirting and teasing, the great conversations we had, that wonderful feeling of knowing this person "gets me", but mostly I miss the laughter. There are so many questions, so many answers I could make up, but I'll most likely never know the real explanation of what happened. And I think that bothers me the most. I'm used to people drifting out of my life, it happens to all of us... sometimes words are said that can't be taken back and it causes the relationship, no matter what kind it was, to end. Other times, life happens, and no matter how much you really intend to keep in touch, you don't. But in this case, at least from where I'm sitting, it was like this: the door was open, no invitation necessary, always glad of the company..... to, without any warnings or red flags.....bye, you are no longer welcome *SLAM* and the door was shut. So, anyhow, in case this person still stops in to see what I've written.... a message... My life didn't come to a crashing halt, I still function like a normal person (as normal as I can be, anyhow), and despite anything you may have read anywhere else written in haste, I do wish you well and sincerely hope you're happy and that the decisions you made were the right ones. Imiss you more than I want, and I think of you more than I should, and I still expect safe haven in that bomb shelter you're supposed to be building for when Yellowstone erupts.
To everyone else, hey! ONLY TWO MORE MORNINGS TO WAKE UP IN 2005!!!!! THE ABSOLUTE WORST YEAR OF MY LIFE!!! And, have no fear, I'll be back to my bitchy whiney self tomorrow... I've got that long ass drive to pick up his kids tomorrow afternoon.. traffic jams... dealing with his ex.... and the weather will probably suck. Yay! I feel more myself just thinking about it. Starscroll Horoscope.. and what my New Years Resolution should be Revered traditions, solid foundations and family unity mark 2006 as a banner year for you, Taurus, as Saturn (planet of accomplishment and staying power) points to difficult, yet lasting, domestic gains, endings, and fresh starts. Discipline will make you a powerful force leave a favorable impression. Close ties will rally round you from April 6 thru December 6, supporting your real estate dealings, home-based business or a neighborhood improvement. You'll operate from a secure place, making every step surefooted. Your endearing personality and ability to put others at ease will be key to opening important doors and pushing projects through to a successful completion this year.
From February 18 to April 13, May 30 to July 18 are exceptional periods for financial gain via marketing a special skill and putting your investment savvy into practice to grow wealth. Building your assets and handling funds will net you a pretty penny between November 18 and December 10. After November 24, a windfall, settlement or inheritance could transform your life. Trading stocks and investigating financial options will boost your net worth, too.
Amor sparkles during this love lucky year, with October 25 thru December 5 being a most passionate season as your natural "animal magnetism" fills your dance card. Single Bulls could find "the one" then. Your romantic life will shift into high gear as you step out socially - a soul mate could be found during an unexpected, fateful encounter.
According to this page http://astrocenter.astrology.msn.com/msn/ArticleAstrologyHome.aspx?sd=20051227>1=7420 this is what my new years resolution should be:
Taurus:
(April 20 - May 20) You are an extremely creative person but you don't always show it. You let duties toward home, work and children carry you away from your artistic abilities. This year, make a conscious resolution to spend time indulging your creative spirit. Perhaps you need to start a weekly arts and crafts night with a group of friends. Do what it takes to get inspired and stay motivated, Taurus.
What should you resolve for the new year? December 28 Captains Log/ stardate 28 December 2k5I'm bored.
Expect some changes here in the coming weeks... days, whatever...
Seriously considering getting a new attitude
Okay, so that won't happen, but I can still consider it...
Need to play around a little, figure out how to do this or that... "tweak" it up a little (lol.. you like that, don't ya R? Well, get over yourself, it's not about you, ya nutcase!)
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Snow is about gone... Yay! Been raining almost all day. Thunderstorms were predicted, which would have been way cool, but didn't happen. Still dreary, but the good news is.... THREE MORE DAYS LEFT OF THIS SHITTY YEAR! And yes, I do hold high hopes for 2K6.
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I don't believe in New Years resolutions. Everyone always has the same ones, or at least something similar: quit smoking, take better care of my health, lose weight, be a better person, blah blah blah. And since most resolutions are broken within a month, and I don't believe in them anyhow.. here are mine, lol:
*to be a bitter mean spirited bitch
*to be totally and completely selfish and self centered
*to say whatever I'm thinking no matter who it may hurt
*to use everyone to my advantage
*to make promises I'll never fulfill
*to find me some millionaire old man on his deathbed getting ready to take his last breath and promise him things that I really won't do, and have him sign over his complete fortune to me and only me (making sure it's on video and witnessed by at least three people), just moments before he goes to the light... or a nursing home where I'll never have to see him again (because that's what a selfish, self-centered mean spirited bitch who uses everyone to her advantage and makes promises she'd never fulfill would do)
**oh, and every once in a while I'll write or say something that will make people go: huh? is she for real???
Courtesy of PattyTwo fleas from Detroit had an agreement to meet every winter in Miami for a vacation. Last year when one flea gets to Miami, he's all blue, shivering and shaking, damn near frozen to death! The other flea asks him, "What the hell happened to you?" The first flea ! says, "I rode down here from Detroit in the mustache of a guy on a Harley." The other flea responds saying," That's the worst way to travel! Try what I do. Go to the Metro airport bar. Have a few drinks. While you are there, look for a nice stewardess. Crawl up her leg and nestle in where it's warm and cozy. You'll be in Miami in no time. It's the best way to travel that I can think of." The first flea thanks the second flea and says he will give it a try next winter. A year goes by..... When the first flea shows up in Miami he is all blue, and shivering and shaking again. Damn near frozen to death. The second flea says, "Didn't you try what I told you?" Yes," says the first flea, "I did exactly as you said..... I went to the Metro airport bar. I had a few drinks. Finally, this nice young stewardess came in. I crawled right up to her warm cozy spot. It was so nice and warm that I fell asleep immediately. When I woke up, I was back in the mustache of the guy on the Harley! " December 27 four more daysAs this year nears the end all I can say is *sigh* finally!
I remember Judy's ex-sister saying to me once that whatever you're doing on New Years' Eve is what you can expect the year to be like. I don't know if it was some superstition she was reciting or if it was something she pulled out of the air, but I've tried to be doing something I like on NYE ever since. So, you might ask, what will I be doing this year? Nothing I'm looking forward to, that's for sure.
This year I'll be at work till sometime around 8pm despite the fact the store closes at five. Switching from one wireless company to another and have to take down the old and put up the new. Hopefully that will be a metaphore for what the year will be like for me. As for how the evening will progress after I get home, who knows... I think I'll be avoiding conflict, biting my tongue, and going to bed around the time the new year comes in.
I remember when New Years Eve was a big deal. The parties at my cousins house or one of her friends' were outrageously fun. But y'know... I think the best were when I was a kid and we had our own little 'family party'... my parents had these clear glass divider plates with matching little cups that we used only that night. We'd have sloppy joes and chips and snacks and Coke, sit in front of the TV and watch Dick Clark's Rockin' New Years Eve till probably one in the morning, then go to bed.
Now it's just another day.
I miss 'big deal' days. December 26 Taurus 2006This is the first horoscope for the year I've come across for myself... will, of course, post all others I find and see if any of them are anywhere near real. Hey, I don't call these things horrorscopes for nothing, y'know!
During the early part of the New Year 2006 from January through March -- you will travel a lot. If you're attached, you'll take your partner along for the adventure, of course. If you're single, don't be surprised if you meet someone on the road who has a wonderful accent.
Age GaugeThis is really cool.. check it out. Put your birthday in the pop up box and watch what happens.. I learned some interesting things!
December 25 Six more days left of this miserable year!Merry Christmas to all my special blogging buddies.... love you guys! Hoping that even if Santa didn't bring you everything you wanted, you get everything you need on this special day (even if it's just a much needed day off from work!).
Looking forward to seeing how y'all spent the day... I'm just relaxing, spending time with the family, and hoping Alex doesn't give me too much of a headache from his new bass guitar and amp, lol. He says he's going to replace the lead singer on Megadeth... he sounds just like him when he sings. Good thing? Debatable
 .Anyway, hoping no one has eaten enough to explode. Thinking maybe I'll bake me some cookies  ... maybe. December 22 Dear Santa...Deer Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy all yeer. Yer Friend, Billy Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell. Santa **************************************************** Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa **************************************************** Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me send you some Legos instead. Santa **************************************************** Dear Santa, I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis
Dear Francis, Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays. I bet you're gay. I'll set you up with a Barbie. Santa **************************************************** Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch. Santa **************************************************** Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys? Your friend, Thomas Dear Thomas, All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know. Santa **************************************************** Dear Santa, Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica Dear Jessica, Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house. Santa **************************************************** Dear Santa, I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one? Love, Timmy Dear Timmy, That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa **************************************************** Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home? Love, Marky Dear Mark, First stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass >whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window. Sweet dreams, Santa December 21 Um... Yeah.... it's the holidays Have come to the unmistakable conclusion that I hate my job. Yep, when you get pissed off the night before just thinking about having to go back the next day.... time to look for something else. I hate that most of my days off I wind up having to do something work related and don't get to enjoy it. I hate that the manager alternates between wanting to be everybody's best buddy and their boss. I hate that he messed up our payroll one week and wound up shredding the checks we were supposed to get which made everyone's payroll check bounce like a three year old on speed. I hate that I work a zillion hours a week, get paid pennies, and am expected to do the job of three people... oh, and somewhow get $3700 in personal sales every week. I hate that the manager tells the employees they can come in at different hours than on the schedule.. but conveniently forgets to tell me that I'll be short staffed because of it. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I hate my job.
 In case anyone needs to be reminded that their life isn't really screwed up, let's revisit Rob, Tina, Shirley, and Dick. So, straight from the source:
Latest update.... Rob and Shirley went out last night. Shirley wants Rob to get his own place so she can come and go at will. Tina is upset and says if Rob leaves her, she will destroy his life and he will end up all alone. Dick, who has spent almost every available minute with Shirley since Rob broke up with her on Friday, had been happier than he had been in years, is not devastated that Shirley and Rob went out last night for 3 hours.
Rob and Shirley still have strong feelings for each other. They want to be together. Tina is upset and only wants to be with Rob and thinks if they go to marriage counselling, he will forget about Shirley and want to stay with his family. Shirley wants to be with both Rob and Dick, but realizes that both men won't let her be with the other and she could lose both. Dick thinks Rob is an immature child who has no future and just wants to bring Shirley down to his level of misery and unhappiness. The question is: if you've let yourself believe you're in the midst of the perfect fairy tale (every fairy tale has a 'villain' or two, you know), would you ask advice from someone who doesn't believe in them?
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Friend of mine posed this question: what makes you really happy?
I didn't have an answer.
December 19 Foot in mouth disease.. sorta kindaSo it has happened again. I have got to learn to shut my mouth sometimes! It never fails... I say something bad about someone's behavior and the next thing you know I'm the one doing the same thing or having it happen to me.
Let's go back twenty some years... used to babysit for a friend of mine who's kids were total brats and completely out of control. This, of course, was before I was 'blessed' with a child of my own. I used to say stupid things like: why doesn't she control those boys better? Oy vay! And what happens? Yep.. I am the mother of a total brat who is out of control! Not a doubt in my mind people said the same thing about me... and I really did try to get him under control. Hell, he's 23 now and .. .. well, we won't go there just now.
This time it's work. That's right folks... just a few days ago I was bitching about those kids not being able to read a simple schedule. Much as it pains me to admit this.. I read my schedule wrong!! I wound up being two hours late for work today. *hanging my head in shame* Thought I had to be there at two... would have laid money on it even. At one this afternoon I'm trying to get ready for work and Mr Wonderful decides he needs to jump in the shower just then, which pissed me off. He finishes his shower while I'm wiping the steam off the mirror and makes some stupid smart ass remark then says: I thought you said you didn't have to go in till 3! So after reminding him that I'd told him what time I had to go in (he really never hears what I say... I think at the sound of my voice and tunes out the words), I walk to the fridge and show him (keep a copy of my schedule there so the boys know when to expect me home and can have their messes cleaned up)... and that's when I discovered my mistake! I immediately got on the phone and was apologizing all over the place, then scooted my butt out the door.
Anyway, I own up to my mistakes, I admit when I'm wrong. I just have to learn to SHUT. MY. MOUTH. Easier said than done. Oh hell, who am I trying to kid? Shut my mouth? Yeah, like that's gonna happen!
So the good news is: class cancelled Tuesday. I'm gettin the day off!! Yay!! Bad news is: I have to work all day Friday from open to close. Oh well.. an extra 8 hours in my paycheck and we're discussing the possibility of holding off celebrating Christmas here until New Years weekend when it's his weekend for the kids anyway. Which means I'll be able to hit the after Christmas sales to get gifts. Hey, gotta find an upside to all this crap! December 18 somma this, somma that In case anyone was losing any sleep over the latest outcome of the soap opera listed below: Rob has decided to go back to Tina, they are going to marriage counseling. He broke up with Shirley, who couldn't make up her mind who she wanted to be with. He is heartbroken. Knowing that, can the marriage really be saved?
Mall holiday hours are almost over!!!! Everyone get up and cheer!!! YAY!!! The hustle and bustle is far from over, though. Thankfully we all get Christmas day off because we'll need the break for when all the stuff comes back. I'm just tired of not finding a place to park near the mall! If I don't get there in the morning to open the store I have to walk a mile away, and dammit.. it's cold out!!!
Have come to the conclusion that some parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and guardians of one sort or the other need to be shot. Just the ones who allow their charges to run wild and knock stuff around... including nearly toppling me down a set of stairs. I'm particularly fond of capitol punishment for those who allow the kids to come in to the store, scatter the toys around in the cramped spaces for customers and associates to trip over, then leave without even attempting to pick them up again.
Mr Wonderful seemed to be a bit upset with me last night. He asked when my next day off was and instead of telling him, I decided to let him know that it isn't Christmas Eve, when I'll be working from open to close. Since we've been together we've always celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve morning because the ex bitch refuses to let him have the kids on Christmas. I'm tired of not celebrating on the actual holiday, of having to alter our lives every stinking year to satisfy her wishes. And besides that, C.E. is going to be a very busy and prosperous day for us at the store, I want to work that day (closes at 6pm).
Watched Mr and Mrs Smith this evening. Was alot better than I thought it would be. It's actually quite funny. I imagine there will be a follow up on it.
Finally finished reading Forever Odd. Would of had it done in one day if I'd actually gotten that day off. Was good. Wouldn't want to read it if I hadn't read Odd Thomas first, though. I mean, it does stand on it's own, but is always better to read a sequel if you've read the first one first. Same with movies.
LOL... as I'm writing this, my friend who is a manager at a major retail store is complaining to me about the very thing I wrote about up there ^... misbehaving kids and the people who don't watch them. Really... if you take your kids to a store..... do all of us who work in retail a favor... DON'T LET THEM RUN AROUND LIKE LITTLE DICKS!!! We don't get paid enough to pick up after your kids! And the toys they throw around and knock over and into each other are not free!!!
Okay, am gonna stop now. Could go on and on and on about that subject alone...
Y'all have a good day!
December 16 No Promise, but....Okay, had a whole diatribe written about my week, but it was nothing but whining so I deleted it. I'm just sick of whining all the time! It's not like anything gets better, nothing changes.. and not only does it not make me feel better... it kinda sorta makes me feel worse! So, why bother???
To set things straight, this in no way means I'm done whining. It only means that I'm sick of doing it. That I am full aware that it's not theraputic in any way. So, for all of you who were about to give a big sigh of relief.. not yet.
The one thing I am going to moan about is that I didn't get my day off this week. Big wigs came to the store on Tuesday so I was called in Monday to help difuse any fires before they could be set. Now I won't see another day off til next Friday. I guess I can look at like this: don't work Friday, work Saturday, don't work Sunday. That makes it not seem quite so bad I guess.
I really hope my video is working now... just got it up today and it's kinda sorta funny. Hope y'all can see it and enjoy!
As the world turns in the Days of our livesIn keeping with the joke theme that I seem to have fallen into, here's another. Well, more of a soap opera I suppose. Oh...yeah.. the kicker is... this is real and only the names have been changed to protect the innocent (if there are any). But it's still funny, at least to me, since I'm not personally involved beyond a friendship.
The characters: Rob is married to Tina. Shirley is married to Dick. Rob and Tina have a pre-schooler. Shirley and Dick have three kids. Shirley and Dick live across the street from Rob's cousin Kelly.
The setting: Tina has anger issues, probably due to a really poor childhood or something. She likes to throw things at Rob and yell alot. Rob may provoke her, who knows? Marriage going, going, pretty much gone. Shirley and Dick's marriage... all heresay, not sure what's going on there, but let's just say it's on the rocks and not looking real healthy.
The plot: Rob leaves Tina, sends her packing back to Mommy and Daddy. He moves in with Kelly. Within a week, he's porking Shirley. They 'fall in love'. Try as they may to keep it secret, things happen and they're found out. Tina moves back into the marital home. Dick goes to jail for a few days. Tina decides that she still wants to be married to Rob and he can keep Shirley as his mistress as long as he follows her rules on that relationship. Shirley starts to have second thoughts, but her libido is winning and she just can't stay away from Rob... while trying to work things out Dick. Rob, being a man, and 'in love', goes along with whatever Shirley wants.
The twist: Tina goes out and buys a gift for Shirley's daughter for Christmas.
The questions: Is Tina completely bonkers for buying a gift for her husband's lovers' daughter? Will Rob and Tina remain married while Rob continues his affair with Shirley following Tina's rules of 2 weeknights and one weekend night to be together? Will Shirley and Dick work things out? Will Rob get his heart broke? Will Tina, in a fit of jealous rage, wreak havoc on all who cross her path one dark, stormy night? Will Dick become a stalker, following Rob and Shirley everywhere they go? And, most importantly, will Meredith and Dr McDreamy get together again?
Please, let's see some feedback on this one. Good, bad, indifferent... if you read this, please leave a comment (no name calling please). Complements of Carrie, my cuz The 2005 Darwin Awards
Always one of the best laughs of the year, remember folks, all of these events are TRUE and have happened within the last 12 months. Y'all, I am proud to bring you the Darwin Awards for the Evolutionarily Challenged Here then, are the glorious winners: Darwin Award Winner: 1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold- up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked..... And now, the honorable mentions: 2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger! . The chef's claim was approved. 3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her. 4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harareto Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days. 5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit. 6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?) 7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape. 8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from." 9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a..m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast . The man, frustrated, walked away. A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER! 10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had. In the interest of bettering human kind please share these with your friends and family ... unless of course one of these 10 individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE BLONDE AND THE LORD I feel the love,lolmy cousin loves me, she sent me this:
Today is the international day for the mentally disabled. Please send an encouraging message to a mentally retarded friend--as I have just done for you. Just thought I'd let your retarded ass know I don't mind being friends with you. I don't care if you lick windows or even if you wear a football helmet to work. It doesn't bother me that you wear your underwear on the outside of your pants. You hang on in there because you are doing great! You are special, so keep trying! Have a great day you Goofy Bastard!
feel free to send this off to your special friends, too |
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