It doesn't seem to matter where you live or where you go, everyone thinks that their state has unique weather conditions that happen only there. "It's {insert your state}, give it five minutes and the weather will change." I grew up hearing that and saying it. Now I hear it here.

Yep, we're in the midst of our first major winter storm. Not complaining, 'cause I know lots of you are either getting it right now, have already gotten it, or it's on its' way to you. Seventy degrees yesterday noon time, raining, temperatures slowly but steadily falling. Then it turned into freezing rain. This morning it turned into sleet. By tomorrow morning it will be snow, and depending on which weather man you watch or listen to, there will be between 2"- 20" by tomorrow night.

We lost power at work this morning for about three hours. I was sent home after two hours. A pole was down. So, after digging into my car (it was totally iced up), I came home and listened to the news. They've been on all day with updates on the weather and road conditions. Remember a couple entries ago when I wrote about the not-quite-a-freeway-but-almost-one that I live near? Well, it was on the news today... as the road with the most accidents on it. Anyway, B left work early - his day job. He went to his second job tonight despite me not wanting him to go out.  What normally takes 20 minutes took him about 45, but he made it.

When he got home this early afternoon he had an electric cord for our dryer. The one that was on it didn't fit the outlet and was too short anyhow. Soooo - I've spent the afternoon and into this evening doing laundry. And been quite happy to be doing it! After three months we can finally do laundry at home! Yay! Now all I need to be really happy is a vacuum cleaner. Sweeping dog hair off carpet, even low-pile carpet, is not easy and is not fun. I used to have a vacuum cleaner, but when I moved into a house that had hardwood floors thru-out I gave it to my brother.

Ah well. All my other stuff is here now. *Big sigh*. It really doesn't take alot to make me happy, lol.. I'm thrilled (especially with the weather we're getting right now) to have all my coats, my boots... just to have all my junk is great. I even have junk I didn't want, lol. Bryan is a bit depressed because he wasn't able to bring all his junk, so I told him we'll go to his old house when the Storm isn't there and kidnap all his junk. He didn't seem to think it was a good idea. So I promised him we'll make sure he gets new junk. It's only fair.

Our living room is a mess right now and it's bugging the crap out of me. Especially since I can't do much about it right now. The plan was to empty the Christmas decorations out of the boxes and then take the boxes to storage. Can't do that with the weather we have, so I guess the spare room is going to be a huge storage closet and when the kid comes down in a couple weeks he's gonna have to camp out on the couch (it's actually quite comfy). First, I suppose, I should take the decorations out of the boxes, huh? I have some of it done. My excuse is that I've been recovering from the emotional and physical strain and stress of the recent trip, the loading and unloading, blah blah blah. I'll take and use any excuse I can, lol, as long as it doesn't translate to "Kim is lazy".

I have pictures of the boy at his lowest, lol..  should post them just for spite. No - what I should do is hook myself up with a blog over at MySpace, where him and his minions do their online communicating... except him and his little teeny-bopper friends would probably think it was cool. Maybe I'll just print them up and send them to Grandma. Yeah, that would be the perfect thing, lmao.

Yes, I'm in better spirits today. Much better. I have the most wonderful man in the world, couldn't ask for much more. I'm blessed. And I know that when the boy gets down here, spends a couple weeks with me, he'll realize how much he's missed me and appreciate me again. He really is a good kid. He just forgets now and then.

I could write a blow-by-blow account of the weekend. I could write about this part of the trip or that. Or how I'm constantly amazed by how much Bryan loves me and the things he's willing to do and put up with because of me, which makes me love him even more (even more than I thought was possible).  But what I think I'm going to write about. . . and hope it helps to deal with the demons nibbling away slowly at my soul. . . is the letting go.

That's what this past weekend feels like to me. Like I let go. Or was forced to. Or maybe it's a feeling of being pushed away and needing to let go to hold any amount of sanity. I don't know. It was a difficult weekend on several different levels, none of them worth re-visiting.

We went to the house. The house I had been so excited to be buying, to be living in, to call home. Just three and a half short years ago I was sure that was where I was going to live out the rest of my days, watch the kids grow, where the grandbabies would come visit me. It wasn't big,  nothing fancy, just a little house in a nice quiet burb where we knew our next door neighbors and could talk across the fence. So, going back there, with it almost empty, looking and feeling abandoned and lost to the world, was one of the saddest experiences of my life. I had to let it go. To say good-bye to that dream, that way of life. . . those memories. It was hard being in the neighborhood, seeing the places that had come to mean something to me, the people I had come to know.

It was hard seeing my oldest son, knowing this is what he had become. Knowing that there is nothing I can do anymore. I have to let him go, no matter how hard it is or he'll never become a man, he'll just be a little boy in a man's body. Trust me, it isn't easy, no matter what a disappointment a child has become. . . to throw him out into the world, knowing he might not have shelter this winter. . . it is NOT easy. All I can do is pray that he finds his way and no harm comes to him .

But the house, the oldest son. . . letting go of them wasn't near as hard as letting go of my baby. For three months I've been trying to deal with extreme feelings of guilt and missing him so much it's a physical pain. Of worrying about him nearly every minute of every day (at least I can talk to him now...  I love Bryan... have I mentioned that lately?). What I found out this weekend is that my boy still loves me, and misses me, but he's doing just fine and dandy without me. He doesn't need me. And that breaks my heart.

He got drunk Saturday night. He's not a pleasant drunk, although he says he's gotten drunk before and is usually a happy go lucky drunk. Maybe it was whatever he was drinking. I'll write more about that later. The thing is, I was the only adult awake when he had his little pity me party. . . I was the one he told to go away. When I threatened to pack him up and bring him down here with me, he got almost belligerent. I woke the father figure up. . . my boy clung to him and begged him to not let me take him away. He pushed me away and . . .

Part of me is trying to sane it all out with the reasoning that he was drunk. He's seventeen, just broke up with his first girlfriend, and had a house full of his "minions".  He was showing off. Whatever. It still hurt that he'd rather cling to his step dad and hang out with the kids he sees everyday than spend even a few minutes with me. . . the woman who gave birth to him, has been there for him, who supported him for ten years on my own, who loves him unconditionally. . . and he couldn't even give me five minutes of his undivided attention after I drove over 600 miles to see him, to be with him on his birthday.

Another time I'll write about the rest of the story, but today I just needed to get this out. Besides, it just might answer a question that was posed elsewhere.

I was all set to just stay in my jam-jam's all day today. Go nowhere, do nothing except curl up the couch and watch TV. We were supposed to have gotten a bad storm overnight. We didn't get it. In fact, it's a balmy 43 degrees, the sun is shining, nary a cloud in the sky, and not a drop of any precipitation. Yay! Except there went all my plans to be a sloth. Dammit.

So, instead, I cleaned the apartment, did a load of laundry, ran the dishwasher, put the laundry away from Sunday, boiled some eggs for Bryan to make into yummy (so he says) angel/devil eggs, and am going to take a load of stuff to the storage unit and maybe make a run to Walmart. Yay. Not. So much for being lazy.

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A while ago, Bryan wrote about a guilty pleasure... watching Boston Legal. I think it's a funny show. And Susan wrote recently about loving Ugly Betty. I also like that show. So, what are my guilty and not-so-guilty pleasures on the boob tube??? Yeah, I've become a TV watcher, lol...  a year ago I barely watched anything (I either didn't have the time or didn't like the other inhabitants in the room).

I like Gray's Anatomy, Ugly Betty, Two and a half Men, Heroes. The Dog Whisperer, Ghost Hunters. Boston Legal. And a few others I can't think of right now. With the DVR, I'm sure I'll get into American Idol again this year. But my guilty guilty pleasure is... drum roll please.... Gene Simmons Family Jewels on A&E, Monday nights @ 10pm EST.

I was never a big KISS fan back in the day, but I liked them. I still do. Was never a big fan of Gene Simmons (Paul was the 'cute' one). However, I stumbled across this show a few weeks back and became a huge fan.

I love the interaction between Gene and Shannon Tweed. They are alot like me and Bryan, lol... except they live in a huge mansion, have more money than anyone needs, and are more famous than either of us would ever want to be (okay, B would probably like to be that famous). But they joke and play, are upfront and honest with each other, and you can tell that not only do they love each other, but they really LIKE each others' company. Their kids seem pretty much normal, too.. no drug use, no disrespect, and they both have great senses of humor. Not to mention that Nick is a little cutie who reminds me alot of my own kid.

It's not high-brow. It's not educational. It's pure entertainment. And fun.

So... what's your guilty pleasure??? On TV, pervs, lol.

Last weekend Bryan and I were discussing where we'd like to eventually settle down: city vs. country. We pretty much decided on country, preferably where we are or nearby. Bryan ended his reasoning with "and it's safer, too." That very night there was a murder at the local roach motel here in our little town.

Our town is small. Not tiny. Not just a speck on the map, but hardly a sprawling metropolis. It is growing, tho. There's a major road that goes thru our town and beyond, not quite a freeway, but almost. Very busy, high traffic. This is important info only because of what happened today. In our safe country setting.

Where I work is on the corner of this busy road/almost freeway and a little two laner. Infamous for accidents once every couple weeks. Today was the day. Because our station is set a ways back, we didn't hear the crash and didn't know about it until we heard the sirens. However, this wasn't the only accident on that road today.

There were four of them within a four or five hour period of time. Within an eight mile stretch.

So, just how 'safe' is it out here in the boondocks? That's what I'm wondering, lol. I rarely ever locked my doors at the old house (someone was usually home, tho), even at night. We lock our door here every time we leave, and usually when we're home, too. I had a major freeway in my back yard at the old house, a half mile from where two major freeways intersected, and I don't recall there ever being four major accidents there in one day.

Anyway, definitely an ironic twist going on, lol.

Now... a question: why do dogs have to circle two dozen times in one spot before taking a crap?

Looking over the pictures I have posted, decided to write about our day at the amusement park. Six Flags. We went last month, perhaps three weeks ago or so. It was the first time I'd been to an amusement park in some 20+ years. Until then, the closest I'd come to being in one was when I took the kids to the local county fair, and even that's been plenty of years ago.

So, it was a Sunday. The bank where Bryan works had a little shin-dig kinda thing... discount tickets and a luncheon. The food was really good. Anyway... the temps were in the low 60's, it was overcast and looked like it might rain anytime. It did sprinkle, but only a little and just for a couple minutes (we were waiting for the train and were under a roof, so it didn't bother us any, lol). It was warm enough that a sweater was sufficient.

The great thing about going at that time of year is that there were no lines to speak of for any of the rides. The longest we waited for anything was no more than ten minutes, and most of that was making the walk up to the ride. There are a lot of hills at that place, and then they  have these ramps a mile long for lines at some of the roller coasters, and the ramps are on an upgrade with steps here and there. Not meant to walk all at once. Another great thing about that time of year is that they had the place decked out for Halloween (hence, the pictures showing the Haloweeny things).

Okay, so it's been a long time since I've been to an amusement park. I wasn't sure I'd be able to handle the rollercoasters anymore. Back in the day I used to love them. I would sit at the back of the train just so I could get whipped around and thrown out of my seat. What a thrill!!! Ahh.... those were the days. This middle aged body can't handle the getting thrown around anymore, I'll tell you that much!

First roller coaster we got on was a really big wooden one. No, I can't recall the name of it now. Of any of them. Anyway, it had a huge drop and was pretty long. Or at least it felt long. Felt like it lasted twenty minutes. I couldn't even laugh... wanted to cry, lol. My head got knocked around every which way and when we got off I swear I had whiplash and needed back surgery. Bryan, too.

Did this stop us from trying the others? Hell no! That one was "the worst". Surely, the others would be nothing in comparison! So we're off to this nifty little number that turns us upside down. I was sure I didn't want to do that. But I was willing to be game about it. Afterall, I'd ridden another ride that pretty much tipped me over and what the hell... I had a blast on it. So, we get settled in the little bitty car. And actually, this one wouldn't have been bad at all... I would have enjoyed it  quite muchly even... if my head hadn't banged against the damn shoulder harness thingy so much! Thought I was gonna lose my ear from where it kept hitting the harness and the bow on my glasses dug in.

Okay, so we decide to give one more a try before going back to the 'safe' rides. What I found out: I'm not as young as I used to be and my body likes to be tantalized, not brutalized, lol. We stuck to things that go round and round or side to side or up and down... but not all at once. The one mistake we made was the Ferris Wheel. After lunch. OMG!!!

The picture of the white bars... that's taken at the very top of the Ferris Wheel. A million feet in the air. Just before we very nearly lost everything we ate. Sure, it was a nice slow ride, relatively tame... just way too fricking  high off the ground. At first, when we got inside the cage/cell that would comfortably seat between 6-8 people (and we were alone), we thought: hmm, romantic! Then the damn thing took off and we wound up way way at the top... and our thoughts changed to: omg! we're gonna die! if this thing drops, that's it, we're splatter matter. We lived.

Just before leaving, we checked out a show. Way too cute. It was a musical.. and there were a couple hot chicks for Bryan to ogle over, so that was good.

The thing is, we had a really great time. Sure, he's been there several times in the past, so it was nothing new for him, but I think he got a kick out of seeing it thru my eyes. Oh, and the fact that I wasn't bitching the whole time probably was a nice change for him, too, lol. I'm looking forward to going again next year.